i don't have much to say this month. i've been having a hard time for no real reason. everything is going great. i love my apartment and decorating it and living with my bf again, i love my friends and have been leaving the house a lot more but i can't shake the feeling that something bad is waiting for me. i've started to have awful nightmares again and despite all of my sleeping aids, i wake up over and over and over again, confused and panicked. my hair is turning gray rapidly so i rip them out at the root but they grow back as wiry witch hairs in defiance of me and i rip those out too but they grow back twofold to remind me that maybe the waiting for something bad to happen is the bad thing that's happening and it's happening now.