i grew up extremely sheltered. i never had friends outside of school and never left my house unless it was to go to school or church or work. i was allowed small amounts of tv here and there and access to the internet when school projects called for it but in large, i learned everything from magazines and books. alienated from any sort of cultural touchstones from modern media and deeply lonely, i began to create mythologies that tangled through my mind and manifested in my writing and art. i would run wild in the woods, dragging old pieces of a wooden bed frame to bridge the creek so i could go further and plant my journals in the ground where no one would find them. they were spells to protect me. spells to move me forward. spells to get me out.
i was 18 years old when my friend handed me a copy of we have always lived in the castle. "you'll really like this; the main character is exactly like you," he said. and he was right; 12 years later, i have never related more to someone than to merricat. her isolation, her burdensome secrecy, her self made lore-it was all in me and always has been no matter how many journals i have buried.